God is Always on Time

I've heard it said before that it takes 21 days to break an old habit, or to create a new habit.  I've never tested this theory, but after our first trip to Ukraine, I've decided it must be accurate. 

We spent exactly 3 weeks in Ukraine, arriving on April 8th and leaving April 29th.  When we arrived, it would be a major understatement to say that this new country felt very strange.  We've traveled several places throughout Europe, so we didn't think much of the idea of being in another country for an extended visit.  We were too wrapped up in our reason for going there to worry about what it would be like to "live" there for a bit.   

It was intimidating.  We could not understand anything, despite the fact that I actually tried to learn a tiny bit of Ukrainian.  My efforts were actually pretty useless because, as it turns out, everyone speaks Russian - or a hybrid of the two.  We did not hear anyone speaking English, anywhere.  We could not even find street signs in order to attempt to read a map.  Our apartment was, well... different than what we're used to.  Everything seemed to have cabbage in it, and we couldn't read the labels in the grocery store.  Of course, there was the adoption process itself, which made us feel a bit like pawns in a big game... and it felt like no one else was concerned about the outcome of this game except for us (although I know that's not true).  It took us about 5 minutes to realize just how grossly unprepared we were for our time there. 

For the first half of our trip, we just felt lost all the time.  Not just physically, but also spiritually!  We spent 7 months following this path to Ukraine, 100% certain that we were following God's will for our family.  And then... nothing.  The path veared, and we were scrambling.  We felt abandoned, disappointed, and grieving for two girls that were never really ours in a way that we will never be able to make anyone else understand.  We were homesick.  We were doubting ourselves and wondering if maybe we had misinterpreted everything.  And we honestly got tired of hearing that "God's timing is perfect" because that was no longer a comfort.  We seriously considered coming home, and we didn't think anyone at home would fault us if that's what we did.  

We were lost, but these four things we knew:

1. Sophia and Claire were doing just fine and didn't need us to come home, even if that's what we all wanted.
2. Our marriage was definitely strong enough to handle this, and if anything, would only get stronger.  
3. Our family had an ARMY of prayer warriors behind us at home.
4. We KNEW that God brought us to this place, at this time, for a purpose.  It wasn't the purpose we thought it was, but He doesn't make mistakes.  We knew we were supposed to be there, and finally we realized that going home felt like disobedience.   

And so we stayed and requested our 2nd SDA appointment.  We can clearly see how God answered our specific prayers during that time, as well as the prayers of others.  We prayed for God to start speaking to us in English, and He did.  Many people were praying for us to receive clarity, and it came.  We know now that God had been leading us to Berdyans'k, to meet two incredible kids who had been waiting for us. 

As for God's "perfect" timing?  We understand now just how precise and perfect it was, and always will be.  Anya and Sasha became eligible for international adoption days before our 2nd SDA appointment.  We had to be precisely where we were in this process that started 7 months ago in order to be referred to them.  Every time I had decided to overnight a document instead of sending it through regular mail, it affected the outcome.  The timing of every person who wrote a letter or filled out a form on our behalf affected the outcome.  Every form that had a mistake, every form that needed to be done over again, affected the outcome.  Every annoying little delay affected the outcome. 

A million little pieces fell together perfectly to bring us to Anya and Sasha.  We will never doubt God's timing again.

Neil and I will never be the same after this experience.  As hard as it was to be in Ukraine at first, by the end of our 3 weeks, we were reluctant to go home.  Not only for the obvious reasons, but we'd also grown accustomed to being there.  All the parts that felt strange and intimidating at first, no longer felt quite so foreign to us.  Coming home, as wonderful as it was to see our girls, felt weird.  I stood in my kitchen at 1:00 AM after getting home from the airport, looking at our granite counters... and thinking how ridiculous they seem.  The contents of my children's closets - ridiculous.  The clothes dryer - ridiculous.  The fact that there's much more than just cabbage and salami in our refrigerator - ridiculous.  Even the fact that I can brush my teeth with the tap water feels like a luxury after just 3 weeks. 

I think these altered perspectives are a good thing.  I just hope that 21 days is enough to make them stick for a lifetime.  But for good measure we'll go back a few more times.