Mama, Papa... Telephone?

What an incredible, pivotal week for the Stinsons!  The only thing that would have made it better would be if Sophia and Claire could have been a part of it too.  We think it would have been good for them to meet Anya and Sasha on their turf.  But without Sophia and Claire here, we were able to spend a lot of one-on-one time with the kids and start the bonding process.  This was critical for everything that had to happen throughout the week. 

We met the kids on Monday, and we were able to visit them twice that day.  We found out quickly that they are playful, happy, curious, and loving children.  The kids seemed unsure of us at first... until they discovered Neil’s cell phone.  We bonded over Angry Birds – of all things! – before they moved on to listening to music and taking photos of random things.  By the end of the first day, they were sitting in our laps and even called us Mama and Papa a couple of times.  Everyone was happy to see the fast connection we had with each other.  It led to an amazing week for us… and an amazingly busy week for our regional coordinator, who accomplished SO much for us this week.  She’s an angel and SO MUCH of this week would not have been possible without her!

Tuesday started with a huge hug from Sasha.  He came in and hugged Michelle for a solid, long minute or two before finally letting go.  It was like he was relieved that we really did come back!  Go ahead, picture how much this Mama was melting, because she was.  Almost-9-year-old Anya joined a few minutes later with a quick hug for each of us and then she started to explore to see what we brought with us.   She figured out on day one that Mama’s purse was full of interesting stuff.  We spent a couple hours with our kids working on puzzles, coloring, listening to music, and playing games.  We didn’t understand each other most of the time, and we only recognize a few Russian words, so lots of gesturing was required. 

Some practical advice: Don’t challenge anyone who has adopted internationally to a game of charades.  

And this is how the rest of our week progressed.  Every day we were able to visit the children for a few hours when they were done with their school lessons.  We watched them come out of their shells a little more every day, trying harder and harder to communicate with us.  We could easily see the bond between the two of them, and we could only imagine all the circumstances they’ve been through that led to their bond being what it is! 

 

Every day we brought small gifts and candy for them, which helped us break the ice.  We learned how focused and task-oriented Sasha is – he loves to build and figure things out.  Can't wait to buy that boy some Legos.  We also learned that he’s goofy and incredibly lovable; we think he and Claire are going to be partners in crime.  We learned that Anya is a typical tween, more interested in painting nails, braiding hair, or drawing than she is interested in games or toys.  Two "tween" girls almost the same age in our house???  It will be interesting to see how Anya and Sophia get along.  Anya really likes getting her way and can be a little bossy with Sasha, but is also protective and generous with him – we watched her give Sasha her juice because he drank all of his quickly, and she made sure that he got exactly the same amount any candy that we brought for them. 

Watching the two of them together, each of them knowing that the other is the only blood relative that they can count on… THIS was why we felt SO strongly about adopting siblings!  They need to stay together, but they each deserve to be kids, knowing they have a family who loves them unconditionally and will take care of them.   

The hardest part was seeing all the other children that aren't coming home with us when all this is over.  They deserve the unconditional love of a family every bit as much as Sasha and Anya.  Every day we also brought snacks for the kids to take back to their class for the other kids… sadly, you can think of it as a peace offering, because the inevitable question that all these sweet, healthy, beautiful children will have for Sasha and Anya is, “Why you and not me?” 

On Thursday we arrived and were ushered to a small auditorium, where the children can have performances and watch movies.  Completely unbeknownst to us, they were doing a sort of variety show, with songs and readings and dancing.  Sasha came to us and hopped up on Papa’s lap to watch, but Anya was nowhere to be found.  Turns out she was dancing in the show!  It was priceless that her family could be there to watch her and take pictures. 

Needless to say, goodbye wasn’t easy.  Watching realization dawn on their faces as it was explained to them that we have to go home now… that was terrible.  Unbelievably, Mama and Papa held it together so that the kids wouldn’t get too upset.  But the look on Sasha's face when he heard this news... we will not be able to get that expression out of our heads until we can get back to him again.   

So now we are back in Kiev again.  Unfortunately, we couldn't get a flight home until Monday.  We can't wait to see Sophia and Claire and our friends and family again... but it's going to be so strange to get back to our former routines at home.  But this is what we will have to do for quite a few weeks, until we can come back for our court date. 

 

Please pray with us that their hearts will be held, encouraged, and comforted by their heavenly Father until their Mama and Papa can get back to them.  They are blessed to be with loving caregivers who want the best for them, and they are blessed to have eachother.  And please also pray with us that the Lord would give guidance and wisdom to everyone that has a part in preparing our family for the next several stages of our journey.  Getting our family ready to encounter Ukraine was a lengthy process, and it feels like we've been here forever... but really our family's journey is just beginning! 

There Are No Words For This!

We don’t understand how God works.  It may take walking through the gates of Heaven for that to happen, and even then we probably won't be able to comprehend it.  But this we DO understand; it doesn’t matter how He works.  Only that you have a personal relationship with Him enough that you can trust Him.  It is through that relationship that He changes us so that miracles can happen. 

The past 7 months have been filled with praying, planning, PAPERWORK, waiting, traveling, grieving, more praying, more waiting, freaking out (Neil says this was mostly Michelle), more prayers, giving it to God, wanting to take it back from God, and praying.  It’s been a difficult road, especially once we arrived in Ukraine exactly 2 weeks ago.  But today we’re certain that road brought us to our destination, and today we met the kids that we feel God has had in mind for us all the time. 

This journey, which has been worth the trials that have stretched our faith along the way, has yielded God’s promise – a promise of blessings for those who are faithful to Him through the trials. 

We can’t wait to be able to share pictures and stories, and introduce you to these spunky kids who seem to have been crafted to be Stinsons!  For now, while we are still in the beginning, we just ask for your prayers.  There is SO much to accomplish this week.  Please pray for us that we can continue bonding with the kids, and pray that our regional coordinator can make miracles happen this week so that we might be able to come back home next Monday.  Everything that happened today just made us miss Sophia and Claire so much more!  Just one more week, girls! 

Stay Calm and Kiev On - Act II

Drinking our flaming coffee with Jill and Kevin

On Monday, we returned to Kiev from Chernihiv.  Or Chernigov, if you prefer Russian.  It’s impossible to know which language is being used, so we’re never sure which one of our go-to memorized phrases to use. 


“Ya ne rozumiyu” or “Ya ne ponimayu”?  “Dyakuyu” or “Spacibo”?  Who knows, so we usually cover our bases and say both. 

We completed all the paperwork to decline our first referral, and after spending hours sitting in various offices, we were finally able to turn in said paperwork to the Ministry of Social Policies and settle into our new apartment in Kiev on Monday.  It seemed like a lot of "red tape" just to say, No thank you.  But it was comforting to get back to the city, where everything is walking distance and we can fend for ourselves without the help of a translator.  We’re here for the whole week (we were told it could be about a week until our 2^nd SDA appointment), so Neil has been able to get quite a lot of work done.  We’re so blessed that his employer is letting him work a little from here, so he won’t have to use so much vacation time during this unexpected delay.


This time has actually been a blessing in disguise.  It has given us pause to reflect on everything that has happened in our first week of Ukraine.  Where at first we saw heartache and disappointment, now we can see purpose.  Where at first we saw missed opportunities, now we see new opportunities.  In the absence of everyone we love and all familiar things that might comfort us, we were blessed to meet another couple from Florida who were able to witness to us and provide biblical encouragement.  We will forever be grateful to them for helping us to lift our chins and refocus.  Because of their guidance and company, this week had new purpose!



We were pleasantly surprised to find out yesterday that our SDA appointment was scheduled for 9:00 a.m. this morning!  Now that we knew what to expect, we arrived with our game faces on, ready to play.  We were told that there were no new sibling referrals that met the criteria in our home study, which was disheartening but we were prepared for this.  So we got down to business, starting with 9 & 10 year old girls.

 

 

After choosing a few to review, we were still not feeling great about our choices.  We prayed for God to give us clarity - the heavens opening and a choir singing when we happened upon the profiles we're meant to choose, perhaps?  Of course we wanted it to feel that right, that obvious, to us!  Suddenly the siblings binder appears on the table again.  Behold, there was just one sibling group to show us that we had not seen before!  Whether it was truly new, or perhaps withheld at our first SDA meeting because these were healthier children, we’re not sure.  It doesn’t matter – either way, His timing is perfect and worthy of our trust.   

 

After a few phone calls to make sure these children were in fact still in the orphanage with no known obstacles, we officially chose them.  It is a 7 year old boy and 8 (almost 9) year old girl.  Very first thing we did after walking out of the SDA office?  Neil bought a soccer ball in Ukrainian colors for the boy.  :)  Tomorrow we will pick up the referral papers, and on Sunday we will make the looooong journey south to the town of Berdyans'k, on the coast of the Black Sea.  Hopefully by Monday, we will be meeting the children meant to come home with us! 

 

Ukrainian, Russian, English.... won't really matter.  Hopefully we won't need words to express the things we really need to tell them. 







There is no shortage of parks for kids in Kiev, but this one? 

It's exactly what it looks like.  Seriously???

 

Oh happy day!

Borshch and Cabbage Rolls and Dumplings, Oh My!

Stuck in Chernihiv all weekend, with nothing much to do but sit around our hotel room because it's raining.  Thank goodness we brought reading material, we never imagined having so much free time on our hands!  Finally the rain slowed down this afternoon, so we took a walk in downtown Chernihiv, and had a nice dinner out.  We finally got to try some more traditional Ukrainian food...

Borshch (served with sour cream, as was everything... our coordinator joked with us that there are two kinds of people in Ukraine... those who put a little sour cream on their food and those who put a little food in their sour cream)

Cabbage Rolls with pork and sour cream

 

 Pork dumplings (pierogies)

 

 Cherry dumplings (pierogies)

 

 Pickled vegetables, including tomatoes and cabbage

Dear God, we can’t understand you. Are you speaking Ukrainian or Russian?

And while we’re chatting, God, where in the world have you taken us?  This can’t possibly be the path you meant for us to take.  We must have misunderstood your directions and taken a wrong turn.  There are broken & muddy roads, carts being pulled by horses, chickens and dogs coming and going as they please throughout these little towns.  You could not have possibly meant for me to have to pee in a hole in the floor.  A hole in the floor!  And that was inside a government building.  Seriously, God, perhaps you forgot I am an American.  We don’t live like this.  What reason could you have possibly had for showing us all of this???

And let’s talk about all the disappointment we’ve experienced since we got here.  We could have sworn that it was you who was leading us here, and you allowed us to believe for almost 7 months that we needed to hurry up because our daughters were waiting for us.  Well, in case you missed all our tears since Wednesday, it didn’t turn out like that.  Why would you allow that?  Our grieving was like nothing we’ve ever experienced.  In fact, that whole meeting on Wednesday felt like a disaster, and none of the kids that were shown to us were what WE were looking for.  Surely you couldn’t have meant for that to happen.

Yesterday we met the two that we DID get a referral to meet.  They are brother and sister, but don’t live in the same orphanage, don’t even know each other.  In fact, we had to drive over 3 hours to get from one to the next.  It was hard enough to visit one orphanage; it’s truly a heartbreaking experience.  Did you really mean for us to have to visit TWO orphanages in one day???  It was emotionally exhausting. 

But to make matters worse, the 2^nd orphanage was a “special needs home.”  The children in this home had needs far greater than anything we ever considered.  It makes the diabetes that we were prepared for seem like a common cold.  We were not told everything about this girl when we accepted the referral; we had no idea that her needs were so great.  We didn’t know that she was still in diapers at 9 years old, that she exists in her own small world, that not only can she not speak but she also can’t understand most of what is said to her.  We wouldn’t have bothered to go if we had known.  We were not prepared to experience this.  God, why would you want us to go there???

We also were not prepared for the beautiful smile that greeted us when she walked in the room.  We were not prepared to connect with this little girl or enjoy her so very, very much.  We were not prepared for the decision about whether we could accept her needs to be SO difficult.  We were not prepared to WANT to go back to that heart-breaking place a second time today to spend more time with her.  We were not prepared to even consider what it would put our family through – what it would mean to Sophia and Claire – if we brought home this girl and her brother (who also had some special needs of his own). 

Most of all, we were not prepared for how much we are grieving (again) this evening after choosing to decline the referral for these two children. 

I guess now that I’m thinking about it, God, maybe you had your reasons for sending us on this scattered, emotional journey.  Maybe you wanted us to see how simply people live throughout most of the rest of the world, compared to us.  Maybe this spoiled American needed to see it all firsthand.  Maybe you wanted us to see a child that we would not have chosen to see, if the choice had truly been ours.  Maybe you wanted us to see how much we are willing to at least consider.  Maybe this has been in preparation for the next phase. 

Maybe you wanted us to see how far our hearts could truly be opened.    

How do we say “Yes” to you when you’re calling us to adopt, while also saying “No” to any of these precious children?  What do we do when our hearts say yes and our minds say no?  Does "taking an orphan's hand" need to mean physically taking their hand and taking them home?  What does moving forward in faith look like next?  We have so many questions that we can’t conceive the answers for.  We’re going to be still and listen for you this weekend, God, and we sure are hoping you’ll switch to English now.

Now we have to go back to the hole-in-the-bathroom-floor government building on Monday morning, to sign the official papers to decline this referral, before going back to Kiev and deciding what to do next.  This time I’ll know to use the bathroom before we leave the hotel, because seriously God, that bathroom was the one thing that I really didn’t need to experience on this trip.

Show me your ways, O Lord,

Teach me your paths;

Guide me in your truth and teach me,

For you are God my Savior,

And my hope is in you all day long.

Psalm 25:4-5

Grieving, Praising, and Moving Forward in Faith

We had our appointment with the SDA today, the appointment we have been waiting for since September, the day when we would get a referral to meet our children.  We have read about it, imagined it, prayed about it, and talked about it many times.  We were moved into action by two little girls named Tatiana and Margarita - they stole our hearts and we thought of them as our daughters.   

Our prayers have always included that, if we were not meant to be their parents, that they would quickly find the loving home that God has planned for them.  That's the prayer that seems to have been answered.  The SDA did not have record of Tatiana and Margarita.  Either they were adopted by a Ukrainian family, or other guardians - perhaps family - were found for them.  So today we are grieving the loss of these two girls who we considered our daughters, but praising God that they are hopefully taken care of.  They will continue to be in our prayers for a long time to come. 

We have prayed many times for God to use us in the process, that he would continue to form us from miry clay for his purpose and glory (Psalm 40:2).  It is hard right now to be reformed after 7 months of preparing our hearts, home, and family for 2 specific girls.  But it's time for us to move forward and close this chapter and re-open our hearts to His reasons for bringing us here.  We owe that to the children we are about to meet.  Please pray with us that through His will, guidance, and care that this is possible, not just for us but for our entire family.  We are grieving - hard - today, and I can imagine that Sophia and Claire will be grieving in their own ways too, when they get this update. 

We spent an obsenely short amount of time at the SDA, considering our reason for being there.  We spend more time at the grocery store choosing which food to buy.  We were quickly presented with about 5 sibling groups, and then 3 individual girls, before we just ran out of time and we had to decide who we would go visit.  The kids were presented very fast with a description of their mental and physical conditian, age, gender, and any additional special notes if available.  We narrowed it down to 2 sibling groups, but how do you quickly choose which one to go visit?  We did so almost randomly, and we are trying hard to trust God that He knows what we are doing here, because today, we don't feel like we know what we are doing here. 

We chose a brother & sister in southern Ukraine, and were warned that the orphanage director is tough on foreigners.  A few hours later, Konstantin called us to say that he was stopping by our apartment to give us an update.  He told us that it was more complicated than just a "tough director" and that adoption of these two kids would be almost impossible.  Of the few children we learned about today, more than half of them had "complicated" circumstances that would make it difficult for us to adopt them.  Konstantin informed us that his families usually have better options to choose from, that our appointment was unusual.... Lucky us. 

So within hours of our SDA appointment, we were already moving on to Plan B.  (We were warned many times to be flexible, and they weren't kidding!)  We are instead going to visit a different brother/sister sibling group in Chernihiv, on Friday.

We move forward from here in faith that God will give us direction and continue to help us find the kids that he has already planned for our family.

Stay Calm and Kiev On...



 Today is our second day in Kiev, and it's probably the only day of our whole trip that our schedule doesn't revolve around the adoption.  Today was our "buffer" day, just in case there were flight delays, and to give us a day to adjust to the time change and get our game face on!

We wanted to relax today because our emotions are all over the place right now.  We're feeling excited and overwhelmed by being here.  We're nervous about what will happen at the SDA appointment tomorrow, and we're anxious to know which direction the ball will roll from there.  We miss Sophia & Claire, and I (for one) am a little homesick.  And we're intimidated by this city!!!  We've traveled in Europe several times before, but never have we felt so disoriented and uncertain.  All my efforts to become familiar with the Ukrainian language have been completely useless to me here. 

Luckily, Konstantin was able to recommend an English-speaking tour guide, so we enjoyed our one free day by taking in some of the city of Kiev.  It is a beautiful European city.  One might mistake some sights, like the square in front of St. Sophia church, for another European city, like Italy.  Unlike other areas of Europe, however, you won't find many original buildings.  Most of what you see, even of the "historic" sights, are replicated because the originals were destroyed.  Our guide gave us a crash course in Ukraine's ever-changing and sometimes turbulant history.  Also unlike other cities in Europe, you will not see many tourists, and you especially won't hear anyone else speaking English.  I felt like I was walking around with a giant American flag painted on my face. 

Ukraine's Ministry of Foreign Affairs building - we were told that there were supposed to be many more buildings like this one built by Stalin, framing Kiev's very own version of the Red Square.  St. Michael's church is next door to this building, creating quite a contrast.  St. Michael's was torn down to make room for more buildings like this one, and was just rebuilt after Ukraine regained independence. 

 

The People's Friendship Arch built in 1982 to represent

the unification of Russia and Ukraine

 

 

Майдан Незалежності - Independence Square, our "home base"

and point of reference for finding our way back to our apartment! 

 

 

Recreation of the "Golden Gate" which was one of three entrances to the city of Kiev almost 1000 years ago, with a statue of Yaroslav the Wise holding St. Sophia Cathedral

 

 

The bell tower of St. Michael's

 



 

 

 

 

Preparing for Take-Off

We're sitting in a Starbucks in Amsterdam, waiting over 3 hours for our connection to Kiev.  It's 6 a.m. on Monday morning here, but our bodies are telling us that it is midnight.  We're exhausted, but we still have hours and hours to go before we're settled in Kiev. 

A week ago we were busy celebrating our risen Christ with our family in Pennsylvania, and waiting patiently to hear from the SDA about our upcoming appointment.  Based on others’ experiences and counseling from our adoption agency we knew the time would soon be coming, and then we would have a couple weeks to prepare to be on our way.  Well… instead it has been an exhilarating rush to get ready since Monday.  We were given one week to be in Ukraine.  We will have our SDA appointment on 04/10/2013 at 9:00am.

We got our official invite Monday (04/01/2013) via e-mail.  Well, Michelle got the e-mail.  I got the news by way of shrieks, and frantic shaking of hand held technology.  She didn’t let me down with her reaction.  I am so blessed to have been there for it.  God’s timing is perfect because on a usual Monday I would have long been at work when Olga’s e-mail came in.  The joy, excitement, and panic that was seen on Michelle’s face within seconds was priceless as she cycled through the same response over and over for about 10 minutes before it caught up with her that we would have to start traveling in less than a week.

The van was converted into Michelle’s mobile office and off we went Monday morning.  In the first three hours after receiving the e-mail she booked our travel, made countless other phone calls and contacts, and created the master list of to dos.  I got off easy and just kept the wheels between the ditches. 

Throughout the week Michelle prepared the house, girls, and made countless arrangements.  I made arrangements at work and prepared everything I could to be gone for a few weeks.  Friday and Saturday we spent time with Sophie and Claire, packed, repacked, and packed again, lamenting over what to take for us, the orphanage, director, others who help us along the way, and most importantly for Tatiana and Rita. 

We wished Sophie and Claire good bye about 13 hours ago, and they seem a world away right now.  We can't wait to be able to call them soon with some news!